W Blix

Life Lessons by W Blix

On Our years on this big rotating soccer ball We like to call Earth, We have obtained much knowledge. As it is the dawning of the age of 2009, We thought We would dispense these nuggets for the benefit of Our loyal readers.
So here are W Blix’s top 20 life lessons, in list form:

20. Tromsø sucks!

19. Anyone who works as an author, or artist, or on a newspaper, or in a school, are communists.

18. You gotta fight for your right to party.

17. If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right.

16. When you control the mail, you control information.

15. He who smelt it dealt it.

14. Remember the Falklands!

13. Better dead than red.

12. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

11. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

10. Never fight a land war in Asia.

9. Any man who knows how to properly fold a sweater, is gay.

8. You should hammer your iron when it is glowing hot.

7. Winners never quit and quitters never win.

6. Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.

5. Gotta support the team.

4. The truth is out there.

3. It’s not worth winning if you can’t win big!

2. You gotta dance with the girl you brung.

1. Germans love David Hasselhoff.

Hugs and kisses.

The W Blix – First Annual – End of the Year – Year In Review – Extravaganza – 2008 Edition – by W Blix

The Good

McCain won the nomination. What’s eight years among friends?

Glimt did better than expected. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

The new 3D match engine isn’t half bad. And the world will never be the same.

Åge Hareide resigned. About fucking time.

Chinese Democracy was released. They said this day would never come.

The Bad

Tromsø didn’t get relegated. Fuck!

Tromsø did better than Glimt. There is no God!

The National Team played like crap all year. Absolutely disgraceful.

Apparently there is some sort of financial crisis. I blame the democrats.

The Ugly

McCain lost the election. All I can say is:

1.White liberal guilt is a powerful thing.
2.When are people going to learn, Democracy doesn’t work.

Have a happy new year.

Hugs and kisses.

Live Free or Die by W Blix

The good people of New Hampshire have spoken; they want John McCain to be the next President of the United States of America.
As our dear readers will know, W Blix supports Senator McCain’s bid for the White House. He is by far the best candidate for the job. While people in Washington were divided into two camps on the Iraq issue: the Everything is Finers, and the Cut Bait and Runners; ONE MAN had the wisdom, courage and strength to stand up and call for a change. He knew the strategy in Iraq wasn’t working, so he broke ranks to call for more troops. This made him unpopular, but he kept fighting and finally got his way. The troop surge or McCain Doctrine as some call it is a monumental success. ONE MAN was right all along. The people of the Granite State understands this.

Surely this new momentum will carry us through the primaries and on to the White House.

Mac is Back!
Hugs and kisses.

I Love the Smell of Promotion in the Morning by W Blix
Glimt is back in the Tippe League after destroying the boys from Skien.
The whole Nation rejoices at the prospect of seeing Glimt back on top.
Hopefully this will be the last time we have to suffer the indignity of supporting a lower league team.
Hugs and kisses.

Target: Skien by W Blix
We’re coming for you.
And this time it’s personal.

Hugs and kisses.

Bear With Me by W Blix
Scary news out of Norway and Sweden. Several hunting parties have been attacked by angry killer bears. It seems the quadrupeds have had enough of men with riffles entering the deep dark forests of the Scandinavian peninsula looking to bring a nice bear skin rug back to the wife. The bears are hitting back, and this time it’s personal.
I for one am somewhat concerned that the animals seem to have little trouble overpowering experienced hunters, with guns, nonetheless.
When the bear community learns of the success of these attacks, we will surly see an escalation of violence And when they get a taste for blood: Watch Out! We could be in for a coordinated massive attack against humanity.
Should we sit back and wait for this offensive, hoping that our new furry overlords spare our lives so that we may bring them honey and picnic baskets?
W says NO! There must be another way. And now there is: Bear Patrols.
We should create a new agency devoted to guarding the borders where civilization meets wild untamed nature, patrolling the streets looking for intruder bears, flushing out collaborators and launching preemptive strikes right in the heart of Bear country.
It is imperative that these Godless killing machines not be allowed to gain an upper paw. We must demand that the politicians introduce Bear Patrols immediately.
Hugs and kisses.

Nobel Gore by W Blix
Former Vice President Albert A. Gore “Al” has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. He shares this honor with some UN panel. W Blix congratulates VP Gore and those other people.
Let us take a closer look at this laureate. We all know that Al Gore invented the internet. He served as Vice President during the first (and hopefull last) Clinton administration. While winning the popular vote, he lost the 2000 Presidential election to George W. Bush. Liberals still claim the Republicans stole the election.
Since leaving office Gore has spent most of his time nagging about the enviroment, arranging conserts, fraternising with Hollywood liberals and getting awards from, well, Hollywood liberals. I don’t quite know why this makes him deserving of a Peace Prize, but I am sure the Nobel committee has its reasons.
The former Vice President visited Norway last year and earlier this year, making speeches and guesting talk shows. All the while praising Norway for beeing a model country when it comes to peace and the enviroment. Unfortunatly, this seems to be a pre-requisite for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Kofi Annan vacationed in Norway and said he considered settling down there. A few months later he was back, this time to accept the pize.
What does the enviroment have to do with peace?
If the planet is trying to kill us all, shouldn’t we be fighting back?
Is global warming really that bad? W would welcome higher temperatures in the winter.
As far as sea-levels rising, if history teaches us anything it is that you shouldn’t settle in low-lying, exposed areas.

Anyway… have a green peacefull day.
Hugs and kisses.

For Our King by W Blix
I would like to congratulate His Majesty King Harald V of Norway on turning seventy.
Happy birthday!
And thank Him for His service to His Country and His people.
Long may He rule!
King and Country!

Dude, Where’s My Constitution? by W Blix
Parliament just passed the biggest changes to the Norwegian Constitution ever. Including the introduction of a unicameral system.
These changes are at best cosmetic and at worst harmfull to the democracy. Constitutional reform must stem from the people and should be reserved for instances where the changes are important and unavoidable.
Norwegian parliamentarians should hang their heads in shame.
Hugs and kisses.

New Year – New You by W Blix
Many people see the New Year as a fresh start and a time to stop smoking and shit.
W Blix’ only resolution is to keep keeping it real.
Hugs and kisses.